Oh, Paris!

Paris Hilton Responds to McCain Ad

The ad opens with Obama making his speech in front of 200,000 Berliners, which according to John McCain, is a bad thing. The chant Obama! Obama! is piped in to the strains of some music. There’s a montage of old people and things, including the Golden Girls and Tales from the Crypt.

Voice Over: He’s the oldest celebrity in the world.

Like super old.

Old enough to remember when dancing was a sin and beer was served in a bucket.

But is he ready to lead?

Cut to Paris Hilton, wearing a leopard swim item (I don’t know what to call it).

Paris Hilton: Hey, America, I’m Paris Hilton and I’m a celebrity, too.

Only, I’m not from the olden days and I’m not promising change, like that other guy.

I’m just hot.

But then that wrinkly white-haired guy used me in his ad, which I guess means I’m running for president.

So thanks for the endorsement, white-haired dude.

And I want America to know that I’m like totally ready to lead.

And now I want to present my energy policy for America. Just as soon as I finish reading this article on where I can fly to get the best tan.

(Reads Conde Nast’s Traveler magazine)

Oh, Maui. Loves it!

So, here’s my energy policy.

Barack wants to focus on new technologies to cut foreign oil dependency and McCain wants offshore drilling.

Well, why don’t we do a hybrid of both candidates’ ideas.

We can do limited offshore drilling, with strict environmental oversight while creating tax incentives to get Detroit making hybrid and electric cars. That way offshore drilling carries us until the new technologies kick in, which would then create new jobs and energy independence.

Energy crisis solved.

I’ll see you at the debates, bitches.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go pick out a new vice president. I’m thinking Rihanna. See you at the White House. Oh, and I might paint it pink. I hope that’s cool with you guys. Bye (blows a kiss to the camera).

I’m Paris Hilton and I approved this message because I think it’s totally hot.