I guess Chris Rock has always spoken this way. This was from his Bigger and Blacker 1999 tour.
This excerpt of the transcript is courtesy of Drew’s Script-O-Rama
Racism everywhere, everybody pissed off.
Black people yelling, ”Racism.”
White people yelling, ”Reverse racism.”
Chinese people yelling, ”Sideways racism!”
And the lndians ain’t yelling shit ’cause they dead.
So everybody bitch about how bad their people got it.
Nobody got it worse than the American lndian.
Everybody need to calm the fuck down.
lndians got it bad. lndians got it the worst.
You know how bad the lndians got it?
When’s the last time you met two lndians?
You ain’t never met two lndians.
Shit, l have seen a polar bear ride a fucking tricycle in my lifetime.
l have never seen an lndian family that’s chilling out at Red Lobster.
Never seen it.
Everybody wanna save the environment.
Shit, l see trees every fucking day!
l don’t never see no lndians.
l went to the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade this year.
They didn’t have enough lndians for that shit.
They had a bunch of Pilgrims.
When it came time for the lndians, they had three real lndiansand the rest was a bunch of Puerto Ricans with feathers in their hair.
What the fuck!
Shit, l know Puerto Ricans when l see them.
You can’t slip a Puerto Rican by me.
That’s not Pocahontas, that’s Jennifer Lopez!
Racism everywhere. Who’s the maddest people? White people.
Not y’all. Y’all all right.
You paid money to see me, we cool.
The feud is over.
No, you watch the TV, watch 60 Minutes. You see white people pissed off, man.
Man, the white man thinks he’s losing the country.
You watch the news: ”We’re losing everything. We’re fucking losing.
”Affirmative action, and illegal aliens…
”and we’re fucking losing the country.”
Losing? Shut the fuck up. White people ain’t losing shit.
lf y’all losing, who’s winning?
lt ain’t us.
lt ain’t us.
Have you driven around this motherfucker?
lt ain’t us.
Shit, there ain’t a white man in this room that would change places with me.
None of you would change places with me.
And l’m rich!
That’s how good it is to be white.
There’s a white, one-legged busboy in here right now…
that won’t change places with my black ass.
He’s going, ”No, man, l don’t wanna switch.
l wanna ride this white thing out.
”See where it takes me.”
That’s right, ’cause when you white, the sky’s the limit.
When you black, the limit’s the sky!
That’s right, man.
Now, when it comes to racism do you know who the most racist people are for real, the real most racist people?
Old black men.
You find a brother over …. l know you white people know an old black man.
You go, ”Willie at the job, he’s so nice.”
Willie hates your guts.
There’s nothing more racist than an old black man. You know why?
‘Cause an old black man went through some real racism.
He didn’t go through that l-can’t-get-a-cab shit.
He was the cab.
A white man just jump on his back,
”Main Street.
”Left, nigger!
”Left, you fucking nigger!”
You know what’s wild about the old black men?
An old black man, he ain’t gonna let you fuck up his money.
Whenever an old black man sees an old white man the old black man always kisses the old white man’s ass.
”How you doing, sir? Pleased to meet you. Whatever l can get you, you let me know.”
As soon as the white man get out of sight, he’s like:
”Cracker-ass cracker!
”l’ll put my foot in the crack of your ass, cracker-ass cracker!
”l wish that cracker would’ve said some shit to me, saltine-assed, motherfucking cracker!
”Cracker, kiss my ass, you fucking cracker!”
The white man come back. ”Howdy, sir?”
l got an uncle real crazy.
My uncle B., years old, hates the white people, married to a white lady.
And he sits around going, ”These crackers ain’t shit, except for Susie.”
He tried to explain the whole thing to me one day.
He said, ”Yeah, l got a white wife. l love her, she love me. That’s all that matters.
”But l’ll tell you this:
if the revolution ever come, l’ll kill her first”just to show these crackers l mean business!
”Motherfucker, cracker-ass, motherfucker cracker! Shit, cracker, motherfucker!
”Hi, honey.
”Motherfucker cracker. l’ll kill my cracker kids, too!”
That’s right, man. l don’t know, black….
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