MICHAEL O. ALLEN

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John Edwards

Authenticity

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The Fakers

The Fakers

John Edwards had the right message both times when he ran for the presidency. The problem was that he himself seemed fake. The harder he sold himself, the less I was willing to buy.

One of the things he sold hardest was this idea that he had a wholesome family. And when it turned that his loathsome wife was sick, they pushed that too as reason to vote for him for president. It turned out that the biggest betrayal of all and, perhaps, the reason Edwards appeared so fake, was that it was all a lie.

Edwards had left his wife in mind and spirit and could not wait for her to die so he could be with his true love.

John Edwards did not even think this transgression was enough to keep him from running for president. He showed in New Orleans with his fake jeans, fake pompadour, fake teeth, fake smile and asked that we make him president because only he cared about black people, only he cared about poor people, oh, The Two Americas, he prattled on.

And Elizabeth Edwards was a handmaiden to all this deception.

I don’t wish ill on anyone. But I want Elizabeth Edwards to shut up. I want John Edwards to shut up. Please don’t prosecute him for his deceptions and chicanery with campaign cash to hide his affair. I want all these people to crawl into a cave and never be heard from ever again.

UPDATE: Kathleen Parker makes the case against the Edwards more intelligently than I tried to above.

What?

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I have a million television stations as part of my Verizon Fios account. But, inexplicably, I don’t get MSNBC. I’ve tried to get to the bottom of this but, as Verizon has the worst customer service of any corporation that has ever existed on the face of the planet, I’m still waiting for a credible reason for why this is so.

This is probably the reason why I missed the utterly stupid statement that David Greggory made to open a show on Friday night. As usual, Media Matters was on the case:

On the August 8 edition of MSNBC’s Race for the White House, host David Gregory baselessly suggested that former Sen. John Edwards’ (D-NC) disclosure of an extramarital affair has some relevance to Sen. Barack Obama’s presidential campaign. Gregory opened the show by saying, “Tonight, more on Edwards and the fallout from his admission today about a sexual affair: Is this another skeleton in the Democratic closet that Barack Obama must struggle to overcome?” Gregory also said that, “now, questions about his [Edwards’] future abound in the party and whether this creates another shadow over Barack Obama as he gets ready for the conventions.”

From the August 8 edition of MSNBC’s Race for the White House:

GREGORY: Tonight: the Edwards affair. He admits an extramarital affair dating back to 2006, telling ABC News, wife Elizabeth learned of it that year. He lied repeatedly to cover it up as a presidential candidate. And now, questions about his future abound in the party and whether this creates another shadow over Barack Obama as he gets ready for the conventions. All of this, as the race for the White House rolls on.

[…]

GREGORY: Welcome to Race for the White House on a busy Friday. I’m David Gregory — happy to have you here. It’s your stop for the fast pace, the bottom line, and every point of view in the room. Tonight, more on Edwards and the fallout from his admission today about a sexual affair: Is this another skeleton in the Democratic closet that Barack Obama must struggle to overcome? Will Edwards appear at the Democratic convention? All of that ahead.

—J.S.

Now, if I follow this correctly, John Edwards, a former rival of Barack Obama had an affair. He lied when asked about it. And, somehow, this is Obama’s problem?  How?

Edwards does not currently hold any office and is not running for any office at the moment. In any case, he is an adult who has behaved abominably to his family and a few other people, including, probably, a young child who had no choice in the matter.

But, exactly how and why is this Obama’s problem?

A Code Blue: Some Choice Quotes

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John Edwards calls R. Kelly from the bathroom stall for advice

A code blue: Some choice quotes.

“Ok, where are you now?”

“I’m in the bathroom stall.”

“You’ve just got to stand there and say no comment or just lie. Lie, lie, lie till you can’t lie no more.”

“This isn’t as bad as you think it is. . . . I need to get the rest of the team in on this.”

“I’m guessing there’s no window that you could sneak out of?”

“No, there’s no window.”

“You may have to take a hostage.”

“When it comes to sex scandals, we must set all petty differences aside and all band together. It’s the man code”

“I made my bone by whacking Marilyn Monroe when I was just 16. Yep, that was me.”

“Nobody is getting whacked, ok?”

“If whacking people is not an option, then what do we do?”

“John Edward’s got a code blue.”

“Thanks R. Kelly. I knew you’d come through for us.”

“Alright, John, here’s the plan . . . we’ll get our friends in the press to start covering this thing up ASAP.”

“Someday you may be asked to do a service for the Cheat Team.”

Alright, that’s enough.