Rhode Island

That any baseball hall-of-fame that does not have Pete Rose in it is not worthy of the name . . .

That golf is not a sport (a game, maybe) and Tiger Woods, whatever he is, is not an athlete . . . but we talked all about that yesterday, exhausted the topic, actually.

The subject of golf does deserve at least one other mention, which is the inordinate amount space devoted to this useless pursuit.

I shared with some of you yesterday some of what George Carlin had to say about this so-called “sport.”

Here is more Carlin peroration on the topic, except, this time, he’s political:

“I’ve got just the place for low-cost housing. I have solved this problem.

I know where we can build housing for the homeless. Golf courses. Perfect!

Golf courses. Just what we need.

Plenty of good land, in nice neighborhoods, land that is currently being wasted on a meaningless, mindless activity engaged in primarily by white well-to-do male businessmen who use the game to get together to make deals to carve this country up a little finer among themselves.

I am getting tired, really getting tired of these golfing co–suckers in their green pants and their yellow pants and their orange pants and their precious little hats and their cute little golf carts.

It is time to reclaim the golf courses from the wealthy and turn them over to the homeless.

Golf is an arrogant, elitist game and it takes up entirely too much room in this country.

Too much room in this country.

It is an arrogant game on its design alone. Just the design of the game speaks of arrogance.

Think of how big a golf course is. The ball is that fu–ing big! What do these pinheaded pricks need with all that land?

There are over 17,000 golf courses in America. They average over 150 acres a piece.

That’s 3 million plus acres, 4,820 square miles.

You could build two Rhode Islands and a Delaware for the homeless on the land currently being wasted on this meaningless, mindless, arrogant, elitist, and racist, that’s another thing, the only blacks you’ll find in country clubs are carrying trays, and a boring game.

A boring game.

For boring people.

Ever watch golf on TV? It’s like watching flies fu- -.

And a mindless game. Mindless.

Think of the intellect it must take to draw pleasure from this activity.

Hitting a ball with a crooked stick and then, walking after it.

And then, hitting it again.

I say pick it up asshole you’re lucky you found the fu–ing thing.

Put in your pocket and go the fu– home. You’re a winner. You’re a winner. You found it.

No, never happen. No chance of that happening.

Dorko in the plaid knickers is going to hit again and walk some more.

Let these rich co–suckers play miniature golf!

Let them fu– with a windmill for an hour and half or so. See if there’s any real skill among these people.

Now, I know there are some people who play golf who don’t consider themselves rich.

I say F— ‘em!

And shame on them for engaging in an arrogant, elitist pastime.

–George Carlin, “Jammin’ In New York,” April 24 and 25, 1992 at the Paramount Theater in New York City (later a HBO special).